Stories Where Ken is an Idiot
by Plungerpal
Summary: Three stories where Ken is portrayed as an idiot.
1. The Adventures of Daisuke Hood

The Adventures of Daisuke Hood

A long time ago in Digiworld forest lived a band of outlaws. Their leader was a fellow named Daisuke Hood. His right-hand man was named Takeru Scarlet. His personal baboon was named Little Iori. One day Daisuke was debating with Takeru over who they steal from and who they give to.

"So we steal from guys named Rich and give to the whore?" Asked Daisuke.

"No you baka. We rob the rich and give to the poor" Countered Takeru.

"So we steal from guys named Rob and Rich and give to the door?" Asked Daisuke.

"Who cares Daisuke? Let's just keep walking." Said Little Iori. Suddenly a Telegram deliverer by the name of Koushiro stepped out.

"Stop good sirs. I have a telegram for a Daisuke Hood. Do you by any chance know where I could find the chap?" Asked Koushiro.

"Look no further good Sir deliverer. My thick-headed chum is Daisuke Hood." Said Takeru.

"The maiden uh, Hikari has been kidnapped by the foul Kaiser of Digiworld. She is being held captive in the highest dark tower of the Kaiser's castle." Koushiro said.

Daisuke remained there motionless.

"Daisuke, didn't you hear the Telegram deliverer? The love of your life is being held captive by the Kaiser of Digiworld. Aren't you going to rescue her?" Queried Takeru.

"But the Telegram guy said to stop." Daisuke said.

"Sir deliverer, you'll have to excuse my friend. He's a bit stupid. You have to tell him to go." Takeru told Koushiro.

"Oh. You may go, Daisuke Hood." Koushiro said.

"Right. On we go chums. To the Kaiser's castle!" Daisuke said.

At the castle, Takeru was trying to figure out how to get across the moat. Which was filled with Alligatormon.

"I've got it! We pole vault over the moat and through that window!" Takeru exclaimed. The three outlaws quickly got three long sticks and prepared to vault over the moat.

" On the count of three. One, two, THREE!" Takeru shouted. The three outlaws charged, pole vaulted, hit the wall, and fell into the moat. A bunch of Alligatormon surrounded the bold outlaws.

"Hiiiiiii! That was a nice try to get into the castle. Why didn't you just enter through the door? The Kaiser's a really nice chap. He'd be happy to have you as company." The lead Alligatormon said. The three outlaws heaved themselves onto the bank of the moat and entered the castle via the door.

Once inside, Daisuke instantly began opening random doors while Takeru and Little Iori stood there watching.

"Helloooooo? Anybody home?" Daisuke shouted to no one in particular. The outlaws walked off in a random direction only to be greeted by a funny looking fellow with blue hair, a cape, and a wormmon on his head.

"Hiiiiiiii! I just wanted to point out not to step on the trapdoor I'm standing on right now. I don't want you to fall and hurt yourselves! Ahhhhhhhhhh!" The guy said moments before he fell into the trapdoor.

"What an odd fellow." Takeru stated. The outlaws continued wandering around aimlessly and entered a large library with a rather funny suit of armour in it.

"Ooooh! Books! Too bad I can only read Go Dogmon Go." Daisuke said. Suddenly they heard a strange voice coming from the armour.

"Hiiiii! Me again! If you're looking for the highest dark tower the stairwell's over there!" The funny looking fellow exclaimed. The outlaws plus the funny fellow rushed up the stairs only to face a door which they easily broke down with Daisuke's head.

"Ohhh! Thank goodness someone has come to save me!" A strange masculine voice said. The voice belonged to a funny looking maiden standing in a corner. His name was Taichi.

"You, you're not the maiden Hikari!" Takeru stammered.

"You're right. I'm just a cross-dresser. But I was soooo lonely. Won't you stay with me?" Taichi asked.

It was needless to say the oulaws plus the strange looking fellow still in his armour bolted down the stairs.

"Well, we came out here for nothing." Little Iori said.

"Can I come with you?" The funny looking fellow asked.

"Tell us your name first." Takeru said.

"I'm the Kaiser of Digiworld." The Kaiser said.

***

The next day the outlaws were walking through Digiworld forest.

"So we only steal from guys named Rob?" The Kaiser who from this point on be called Ken asked.

"Yeah." Daisuke answered.

"Oh goody goody goody. I know lots of Robs. Ken said.

"Are they rich?" Daisuke asked.

"No, their names are Rob." Ken responded.

"Good grief." Little Iori said.


	2. I'm So Wasted

I'm So Wasted

Disclaimer: I don't own digimon. I think Toei does. I also don't own the I'm So Wasted sketch. Adam Sandler does.

Scene: Takeru and Ken were walking from Hikari's party. Takeru was sober and Ken was wasted. Or was he?

Ken: I'm so wasted man.

Takeru: Yeah you are man. Good acid huh?

Ken: Yeah man. It was killer. Thanks man. I've never been higher in my whole life man.

Takeru: My pleasure. You must be freaking out man.

Ken: Yeah. It's great man. Acid's great. Every time I do acid I get so freaking high man.

Takeru: You must be flipping out huh?

Ken: This is the greatest acid ever Takeru.

Takeru: What do you see?

Ken: That cloud up there. It's got a vein and it's bleeding on me man.

Takeru: Holy cow. 

Ken: Oh man. Look at my hand. It's moving but it's not moving.

Takeru: It's not huh?

Ken: It's still there but it looks like it's moving.

Takeru: Hey, to you it looks like it is. You must be flipping out.

Ken: I'm flipping out dude.

Takeru: Hallucinations. Hey I got some news for you.

Ken: I'm seeing stuff man.

Takeru: Yeah you're seeing stuff. Yeah that's what happens when you take acid but you know what? That wasn't acid. It was a little piece of paper I ripped off my notebook.

Ken: It's, it's this weed I'm smoking.

Takeru: Oh, that weed.

Ken: Yeah. That Tai Bud. Everything's hilarious! Hahaha!

Takeru: Funny huh. Look at that guy's hat man.

Ken: Hahahaha! Everything's funny to me.

Takeru: How many did you smoke? A few joints man?

Ken: I had about four.

Takeru: Woah. That's a lot of bones to be smoking man.

Ken: I smoked the whole things man.

Takeru: Yeah, you sucked them down yourself.

Ken: Isn't that hilarious?

Takeru: You didn't want to share did you?

Ken: It was great stuff.

Takeru: I got some news on that stuff too. That's the stuff I sold you right?

Ken: Yeah man. That's so funny. Hahahaha. I'm wasted off it.

Takeru: Yeah that's 'cause you smoked it but that wasn't really weed. No it wasn't. It was pencil shavings in a bag.

Ken: Yeah, well. This beer, this beer I'm drinking man. I must be drunk of it or something. I had about eight…teen man.

Takeru: Oh really. That's a lot of beer for one guy to be drinking.

Ken: I' boosted. Man, I gotta pee pretty soon.

Takeru: You didn't dump 'em out in the woods did ya?

Ken: No, no, no, I drank 'em all.

Takeru: Yeah, right. I saw ya. That's good. Did you eat at all today?

Ken: No, I drank on an empty stomach man.

Takeru: Extra buzz for you eh?

Ken: That's why I'm so wasted off it man. It's like I'm seeing things. 

Takeru: You can hardly stand.

Ken: You should take my car keys because I can't drive. I can barely walk dude.

Takeru: Buddy you should open up those eyelids they're half shut.

Ken: There are two of you man. I can't see anymore.

Takeru: You know that beer? I got the beers man. I'm the man.

Ken: You the man.

Takeru: Yeah, well there wasn't any alcohol in that beer. It was non-alcoholic. I'm going to have to bust you on that one.

*Ken goes into the bushes and a loud bang is heard.*

Takeru: Oh my god. He killed himself. You killed yourself man.

Ken: Yeah, I'm dead man.

Takeru: Yeah you're dead man. That's awful.

Ken: There's a white light and everything man.

Takeru: Yeah, well you showed us all man.

Ken: Oh, yeah, I'm so peaceful here man.

Takeru: D'you se anything weird?

Ken: My relatives man. And the big white light. I can see my grandfather man.

Takeru: I remember him. He's a good guy.

Ken: And he's wearing the same clothes and everything man.

Takeru: Can you say hi to him for me?

Ken: Hey grandpa, Takeru says hi.

Takeru: Hey I got some news for you. Man, this is so funny. Before you go up to heaven. The gun you killed yourself with, that's the one I sold you right?

Ken: Yeah.

Takeru: Well that was a cap gun so there's no way you could've killed yourself. I'm going back to the party.

Ken: *Sob* I'm moving to another town man.

Four weeks later

Ken: Oh, this beer's great man. And this tequila's really strong man. It's got a worm in it and everything man.

Daisuke: Fucking shit.

Ken: In the sun you're even more wasted man. Fucking shit is right man. I am totally wasted now man. I should probably get an umbrella and go in the shade.

Daisuke: I know a guy who can suck his own dick.

Ken: Yeah, I know a guy who can do that too. He's the drummer for Molly Hatchet man. And one night we had two cases of Southern Comfort man. And we were so wasted off it man. I'm serious.


	3. Ken and the Penguin

Ken and the Penguin

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. Toei does. 

On June 1st, there were no missions in the digiworld to accomplish so all the new digidestined decided to hang out at Cody's house since it had a pool. All the new digidestined except for Kari brought refreshments. TK brought potato chips. Yolei brought a whole bunch of junk food. Davis brought soda and Ken brought alcohol. Cody didn't need to bring anything because it was his house.

"Anybody want some booze before I drink it all?" Asked Ken.

"No, that's okay, Ken. You go ahead and drink it all." Davis said.

"Suit yourself. More buzz for me." Ken said and grabbed a beer. After half an hour he had drank thirty beers. Ken looked across the pool and saw a purple penguin.

"It's too hot for penguins to be here. I'll take it back to the south pole." Ken said. He began to chase the imaginary penguin.

"Come back mister penguin! I won't hurt you. I just want to take you back to the south pole." Ken said as he chased the penguin.

"Did he just say penguin?" TK asked.

"I think so. I wonder what he means." Cody said.

Meanwhile, Ken was still chasing mister penguin. He briefly lost sight of the penguin but he noticed him trying to get into Cody's house.

"Don't run away. I'm not a bad guy." Ken said and chased the penguin into the house. He ran by Cody's mom and sent her spinning yelling 'penguin' the whole time.

"Cody has some really strange friends." Cody's mom thought aloud.

Meanwhile, Ken was still chasing mister penguin. He chased him into the kendo dojo.

"You come to learn kendo, yes?" Cody's scary grandfather asked.

"Nooo. Have you seen a strange purple penguin anywhere around here?" Ken asked.

"Oh. You mean Bobby. He's my friend. We met years ago when I drank too much sake. You're the first person other than me to see Bobby." Cody's grandfather said and pointed at Bobby who was happily sucking on a pouch of prune juice.

"But it's too hot for a penguin to be out here. He should be back at the south pole." Ken argued.

"Yes but Bobby seems to enjoy it up here. Come drink prune juice with me and Bobby." Cody's grandfather said and tossed Ken a package of prune juice. Ken sat down in between Cody's grandfather and Bobby the purple penguin. He sat there happily drinking prune juice until he passed and died from alcohol poisoning.


End file.
